My Electrified Fence

Honestly I don’t remember how we first met. Or any specific idea on my first impression I had on him (if there was any at all). But I do know I knew him from someone, way, waay back in the late 90s. Even then, I don’t think we ever passed the ‘hi’s and the ‘how do you do?’s. We simply weren’t that close. I guess, back in the day, I was a little bit cynical when it comes to meeting new people and he probably thought I was a stuck-up cynic, who couldn’t get over himself.

So it’s taken me and anyone else by surprise that after all these years and even after *cough**cough* I had a major fallout with the only person who introduced us in the first place, we are still in each other’s life and have become the best of friends. And that is saying a lot, especially when it comes to friends; I’ve been known to have my own personal electrified fence. I choose carefully.

Anyway, today is his birthday. And I would like to let him know (and 3 other people who might 'stumble across’ this post), I do appreciate and cherish our friendship. I know we had our ups and downs, but if there’s one thing he needs to know and remember why we stick to each other for so long is that– I simply adore him. And he got an IPad!



To a friend who…..

Shares my nerdy obsession to anything ‘Apple’ and high-fashion gadget,

Always tells the truth, never afraid no matter what, though your conviction probably needs some working on,

Are intelligent, articulate, funny and sometime maybe a little brass but always a ready and dependable friend,

Is someone I feel like I can tell and share every, little, personal, dark, disgusting thing, without making you wince even once or passing out,

Single-handedly makes full figure guys, like us, in fashion and desirable once more. Your confidence is stupendous!,

Are such an inspiration. I thank you.

Happy, joyful, blissful, fabulous 32nd Birthday.

And I truly believe, you, Herman Mizar Azmi, will always fit right in my 'electrified fence’.

How Do You Solve A Problem Like Maria?

One of my worst traits is also the one that I have been famous for, all my life – I seem to be too easy going and fun loving; void of any real emotions like anger and sadness; and hence, don't appear to have a single, freaking backbone to stand for what I believe is right.

I go a great length to avoid menial, sometimes necessary arguments or confrontations, even though most of the times it means I'd let everyone to walk all over me. I should have been called class A, Ross-Geller type pushover in 'Friends' or simply a spineless, no-balls of Pee Wee Herman varieties.

True, I don’t get angry easily. I believe I have the easiest, mildest temper among all my friends. People can pick my nose or kick sands to my eyes and I can possibly still invite them over for tea. Occasionally when I do get angry, I don’t even know how to react or express my anger intelligently, other than some display of my comical stunned look. People would find this hilarious and I ended up being even more infuriated.

Truth is, I hate to hurt other people feelings and I don’t like people hating me either, so I just continue, contenting to be everyone’s favorite doormat. I have this unreasonable, unhealthy need to be constantly liked by all people around me. It’s exhausting!

At the end, I would just bury everything under the ground and pretend nothing has ever happened or I have not been affected by this emotionally at all (even though it did, in a major way). I run and run, far and way from it all. I hide. Such a coward!

For the past few weeks now, more and more people have been testing my patient to the max. They took advantage of my good nature and chose to forget I have feelings too. I was feeling very angry. Sad and low even.

So what did I do? I went home and shared a blanket with my two teddy bears on the couch and turned on 'The Sound of Music'- the movie best described as a "film" about a family who sings together for no reason at all. It relaxed me.



From the very first opening scene of Austrian mountains and Maria dancing on the hills with wild abandon, lost in her songs to the Von Trapps final escape from German Nazi, I happily escaped to another world where I felt truly belong. I felt free and overjoyed as a truckload of sadness and hatred had been lifted off my aching heart.

I watched it again the next day, and the pattern continued for a week. The sixth and seventh viewings were when I began to memorize every lyric and mouth the words with the children whose names I knew by heart. I lost myself in the brilliance of the writing, music and acting. Each song touched my soul and uplifted my spirit.

Finally I understand, no movie can replace my sorrow and magically make any other problems in the world disappear in a mere song, but I can now fully appreciate the options I have right now to deal them better.

Watching the movie made me less angry and less suicidal but most importantly I have found my drug!!