Smoke Gets In My Eyes

I got a cake today. Not like any other cake. This one called ‘White Dark Chocolate Cheese ’ from Secret Recipe. It’s for my birthday, Oh scratch that, anniversary. Yeap, today is my anniversary. This time, I didn’t get the cake myself. My sister bought it for me, so it was extra special – because it’s less, erm well, pathetic.

Anyway, at my request, the so-called “anniversary party” was supposed to be a laid back do, a little family get together with a promised of an all-around grown-ups atmosphere - that means, no surprises, no lame-ass clown (please no!) and I crossed the line on confetti cannon display (sorry ma).

But they were a few little details in the *cough* *cough* 30 years tradition that I insisted of having this time around; such as, me blowing a single candle or two, people singing customary happy birthday song and lots of balloons in the shapes of my favourite animals.

And Oh gift. Yesss, gifts - lots of them.

All my siblings, nephews and both of my parents were all presence, so it was all good, just like what I imagined the good, perfect 30^th anniversary party should be.

Bliss. Tsk, my dear God, I think something gets into my eyes,

Dang.

“Aiyo, you mesti olang manyak semayang punya, manyak ong maa. Kelete you pun ada heng"

I was driving ‘round town with my mother and two of my siblings when we decided to stop at AEON Jusco Tebrau City Mall for lunch. As you are probably aware, my mom, who has suffered a stroke a few years back, requires a wheelchair whenever she needs to move around a humongous mall like this - which by the way here in JB, you can find them almost everywhere.

So while my little brother made a quick dash to the information counter to loan one of those wheels, me and mom, combed the whole blocks around the mall looking for a parking space for our, ehem, ‘sprawling’ ride. And after seemingly like a lifetime or two, we finally managed to snag the best spot not too far from the main entrance. Yes!

Unfortunately, even after half an hour, my brother still couldn’t get hold of that chair. They were all out. I guess today is old-folks-home-denizen-visiting-mall day or something. Damn. So we decided to just wait in the car for the next available wheelchair.

In the car, to kill time, I turned up the air conditioning to the max and was having a really good chat with my mom - as should all good sons do. We were completely engrossed with our little conversation - which regrettably only revolve around the topics of ‘marriage’ and ‘having kids’ (Damn those old people who ‘stole’ our wheelchairs!) - when from the corner of my eyes, I noticed another vehicle, an MPV was trying, rather wobbly, to squeeze in a tiny space just in front of us. Unable to ignore, I also noticed there was a very tall lamp post in between our car and that MPV.

It didn’t take a few seconds later when I heard a loud thud followed by a gradual shrieking sound.

OH. MY. GOD. The back of that stupid MPV really did hit the base of the lamp post hard and now it gave away. To my horror, it went straight to our direction!

My mom, who I suspected has been exercising her lungs for a momentous occasion like this, screamed her heart’s content, which only added an eerily appropriate background track to this already intense situation.

I was stumped. So many questions were coursing through my mind.

My car!!! My imported, SPRAWLING car!!

Fortunately, the pole missed our car and collapsed just an inch away. An inch. I tell you, should a mere gust of wind blew through its teeth to our direction, we could all well be on the headlines the next morning. That how close it was. Like a wind, I jumped out of my seat and went around straight on the other side - looking for a reason to strangle the moron who almost caused hurt and trauma to my car.

It turned out my baby was fine. No scratches. And Oh, so was my mom.

People were beginning to gather around our spot - thanks to my mom’s un-restrained wails and only then, the main culprit emerged from the vehicle. It was a Chinese couple, who inexplicably looked completely calm and collected. I mean, wtf!

I, too, was not going to go down with that and act like some uncivilized prick, so tried as I might to appear unruffled – with the right dose of stoical and authority - but just as stern. I guess that worked like a charm (or probably due to my ‘intimidating’ size). Slowly they were dropping the act and trying to be chummy with me instead.

“Aiyo, apa sudah jadi?”

‘You tell me, idiot’.

“Ini lampu, bahaya la, tak boleh ada sini”

‘O get real, stupid’.

They did however ask me how I was doing and offer to assist in any way.

I said no. “We are fine”.

“Aiyo, you mesti olang manyak semayang punya, manyak ong maa. Kelete you pun ada heng, sikit aja lagi mau kena”.

The nerve.