I Was Told I Was A Good Driver!

Not in a million years I thought it would have happened to me. I mean, come on, I was told I was a good driver!!

It was a wet, wet Thursday late afternoon. I was supposed to pick up my brother at my aunt's house in PJ. I promised to him, we would go back to Kulai together this time. Since it was a public holiday (Awal Muharram), the road was looking clear and driving was a breeze. I was in a chirpy mood.

But things were getting gloomier after that.

As I was driving along Federal Highway, the traffic started to build up, and by the time anyone can scream "traffic jam!" I saw three cars already piled up on the right lane, about 10meter ahead of me.

I, then, out of curiosity, slowed my car. "Slow" as in slowly pushed my brake pedal . I swear to God, there was no sudden movement. No emergency brake or any sort of harsh reaction. Yet, to my horror, my car moved and completely went against my wish. I panicked. A car in front of me already in stationary position. I went pale.

I tell you, eveeeerything went slow-mo after that. As if, my entire life flashed before my eyes!

BAM!

I was frozen in place. The only thing that was on my mind on the very moment was my mommy. 'Where is my mommy when I need her?' If this was some kind of a dream, please, please Mom, or anyone for that matter snap me out of this nightmare – pour on the hot oil on me or even burn my bed.

Unfortunately my pray wasn’t answered. Instead, two burly Chinese guys in their 30s, opened the car door, checked the car, contemplated something and one of them calmly came towards me.

God, I wanted to do the same but I couldn’t feel my legs.

If there was any consolation, they weren’t armed. As far as I could see, no pointy things at the end of their arms, other than, well, their nails.

Miraculously, maybe, in fear of their sharp, pointy nails, I, then mustered enough strengths and courages to finally, got out the car and was ready to embrace my untold consequences.

He gave me a stern, mean look.

“So macam mana ni?”

I looked at my car – no damages, no scretch. His, Hyundai Matrix – a small dent.

“I am so sorry Boss. Hujan. Licin”

He looked at me, unable to deny the obvious.

“But if we can exchange numbers, I’ll fix your damages. But I don’t have enough cash now”.

He looked back at his car and then, he looked at me, only this time, pityingly.

It rained heavily by then.

He then said something that still rings true, yet unbelievably oh-my-God to my ears.

“Tak apalah, never mind”

Though I felt like I was in the throes of jumping up and down, but I resisted. It was such an awkward moment for me.

“Can you at least take my card?”

“Nah, it’s ok”. Waved his hands violently.

"Pleeesee?"He was adamant.

As he drove away out of my sight, I couldn’t help but wondered, “What was that all about?” I mean, he would rather pay for his car than give his number to me? I was totally baffled. Why?

Well, I am definitely not losing sleep over this, yet it is one of the things that I would love to find out. If there was anything I learned from this 'little' misadventure; 'Mind your own distance' and 'Sorry goes a loong way'.

Boy, am I glad nobody got hurt and I am also glad with the fact that I handled it with grace and much aplomb. I was shattered but never crumbled.

Yeap, guys I still drive to anywhere. Pleasee, I was told I was a good driver!

“I Am Gonna Beat The Crap Out Of Somebody”

It was 6.56am. I was walking towards my car when I saw something that worried the hell out of me. Some moron decided to ruin my shirt by double-parking behind my car.

O oh. This can’t be good.

My heart was pounding like crazy yet I proceeded to my car. I put my backpack in the car, walked slowly to the back, chanted quietly ‘handbrake down’, ‘handbrake down’, pushed that damn car and mercy, you’ve guessed it, it didn’t budge an inch. My worries had shot to complete nightmare of the worst kind in a split second.

&#^**&*&% !!!

I was fuming mad. My mind was filled up with all kind of horrible things I would do to that cheap local made car or maybe, should I wait for the idiot and kick him real hard in the shins? But my strong moral and good upbringing had the best of me. I didn’t think violence would be justified

Instead, I got in my car, waited and prayed for somebody would show up, come to their senses and remove that junk of his out of my way. I kept praying.

7.32am

Nope. Nobody showed up. By now I was brimming with anger and I decided to take matters into my own hands. I reached out for a paper and a pen and did what I thought the nastiest thing I ever done to a stranger. I wrote a note - a piece of my mind. I was freaking mad cause I was wronged.

STUPID, PUT YOUR HANDBRAKE DOWN IF YOU WANT TO DOUBLE PARK. BODOH!

Instantly I felt a little relief. Well, maybe a little nervous.

I slipped the note under the wiper and then called my office that I am going to be a little late.

In a moment, I am gonna beat the crap out of somebody!

My Poor Right Foot (Another Heart Sprained Story)

You guys wouldn’t believe this. I couldn’t believe it myself. OMG, I sprained my ankle badly – on my right food. Yet again.

Yes again. If you remember correctly I once fractured that ‘bad-chi’ right foot of my mine two years ago and I was blogging (read:whining) about it few months back (My Right Foot). But this? This got to be the biggest joke/prank fate has ever played on me. Spot on.

I swear, I thought I could put that all behind me but what happened yesterday really shocked me to the core. Something does come in repeat - unexplainably strange but creepy.

The night before I was at my friend house in Bandar Baru Ampang. You know, socializing and stuff. The night began well, well, until I had to call it a night. I said goodbye, closed the gate and BAM, the next thing I know half of my torso rested in distorted position inside the drain.

‘In pain’ would be such an underrated word here. Enough if I say my squeak apparently awaken the whole neighborhood and scared the hell out of the neighborhood dogs (Please don’t judge me). While I was in that hole, I learned a few new cursing words and plotting a nasty revenge to whoever did this to me. This brought out the worst trait in me, but all in all one fact seemed to be resilient than the others - me and drain never a good combination.

Anyway, after much torment, toil and a few giggles from some insensitive onlookers (damn those!), we figured out that apparently some no-good, &^$#@, idiot stole the drain cover for a quick buck and please no prizes on who was taking the plunge.

This unfortunate ‘night of terror’, as my friend called it happened for an umpteenth time and cause a great distress to me. It pissed me off to know that they are irresponsible people out there with crab mentality at its peak that posed a great danger to the public. This people must be found and punished. Let it be known that I have few new curses I learned in the hole that I would looove to share with them.

I felt cheated out of my paid taxes and worst of all, there goes my Jogging Plan. My Impossible dream now remains an out-of-reach dream.

Pancake Disaster

How hard is it to make a One-Step pancake? Apparently impossible. I should know this, I tried to make one yesterday.

I was all alone after berbuka Puasa last night and there was nothing on TV. Bored and needed some 'lifting up', I challenged myself for culinary adventure. Since I am not much of a risk taker, my gut feeling went for something ‘instant’. Nooo…..not instant noodle. Noodle for kids. I am an adult, so I decided to make -tada- a pancake.

Sooo..while contemplating what kitchen appliances (?) to use, I took my sweet time to read the little writings on the back of the box.

ONE EASY STEP TO GREAT PANCAKES

Wow!…this is easy. Just add water and within 10 minutes I get to enjoy family tradition of great tasting pancakes. Come on, what could possibly go wrong with a cup of water?

Obviously I knew nothing.

After 15 minutes of disappointment and heartbreak, the fluffy and sunny pancake I was hoping for bailed on me. What shoveled on my face was…err…a lumpy of charcoal burned to ashes.

I wept quietly and grabbed that God-sent instant noodles to nurse my wounded heart.

Next time I try to do something adventurous, I’ll get a shovel.

My Right Foot

I was on leave yesterday. I wasn’t feeling so good and needed a little rest. After so much of running around, climbing stairs and kicking so many butts the day before, my feet aches. I mean really bad especially the right one.

For friends who might not know the real account, I’d be happy to fill up the blank for you. I fractured my right foot two years ago as a result of some tragic heroic misadventures. I tried to save some kids from drowning and got bitten by a giant catfish on the leg and then…….OK OK so I lied. It wasn’t exactly happened like that but it definitely felt that way.

If you must know, it happened in one gloomy Sunday afternoon. I was jogging (yes, you read it correctly!) alone and was minding my own business when suddenly I accidentally stepped on the iron rods that cover the big monsoon drainage. And for some ‘mysterious’ reason it snapped and the next thing I know I found myself helplessly slumped inside that now-historical sewage. The rest is history they say.

Since that unfortunate episode of my life, my right foot always gives me problem whenever I push it a little harder. I have consulted with many doctors and specialists about my quandary and guess what, they seemed to agree on one thing - that this footy situation ain’t going any way if I don’t control my ballooning weight.

Talking about quirk of fate.

I jogged because I wanted to lose weight (I was hefty then) and injured myself in the process. Now that I can no longer jog, doctors ask me to lose weight nonetheless. It’s a cruel cruel irony don’t you think?

I know that discussing about your deformed limp or your weight issue on a blog like this must be the saddest thing anyone could do but I guess it is worth the shame. I have come to realize, maybe the pain and agony I am feeling right now can be the inspiration of the new and better me. It’s like a sign from my body that saying ‘stop gobbling the entire population food resources and get that fat ass of yours moving’. I want to be lighter so that my feet won’t suffer.

Sigh. I am a man with many flaws but I try to be thankful of what I am or what has happened to me. It’s hard to swallow that sometime but I’ll pull through. For now, I just can be happy to know that my momma is still going to love anyhow, regardless of what I come back to her as – limping or not, fat or thin.

Ain’t it that most comforting feeling?

Note: I would like to apologize for the offensive graphic display of my swollen foot or my unkempt toenail above. The pictures meant for education purposes only and not as a way of raising donation as previously reported.

Mandibular Second Molar

"Don't it always seem to go that you don't know what you've got 'til it's gone"

I am in pain. I had my mandibular second molar* removed today. Petrified at first but I am proud to report that I faced it like a man (or at least I thought how a man would face it!)

Never thought that I'd be parted with my precious, but under appreciated, pearly this early in my life (at tender age of 30) but like somebody used to say to me (I think it was Janet Jackson) 'You don't know what you've got 'till it's gone'.

Oh well, no use to cry over spoilt milk now, just get the cow and milk it.

We, people, always take things for granted and only be happy to regret later and drown in self pity and in 'I should haves' and 'I could haves' sorrow.

As woke up from the operation chair as 'the guy with 31 teeth', I vowed never to be the victim of my past action and refused to feel sorry about myself now.

Somebody may have mutilated my body part, but they can never mutilate my will. (I know it's lame but it's my blog) I will take care and look after myself better from now and people are gonna see that.

Doctor gave me one day MC and I felt old already.

* The mandibular second molar is the tooth located distally (away from the midline of the face) from both the mandibular first molars of the mouth but mesial (toward the midline of the face) from both mandibular third molars. - Taken from Wikipedia