Monday, October 25, 2010

Wild Boars Beside My Bed

I love to share the itsy-bitsy details of my boring existence here to the world. Whenever possible, I like to document the going-ons in my sucky life. It feels great to be able to take the loads of off my mind once in a while and writing about them keeps me alive - plus it’s good for my sanity too.

Case in point, as I write this piece in my hotel room, I am actually beginning to entertain the idea of committing multiple homicides by stabbing my roommates in the throat 24 times. They snore like a pack of mating wild boars and I think I am on the brink of a major mental breakdown. Luckily I got my laptop right now, so a lot of lives are saved tonight, I can promise you that much.

Anyway it has been a while since the last day I posted anything here. Life has been crazy. For the past few weeks there were too many things on my plate - one thing after another - that required my fullest, undivided attentions and pampering.

And this is just one of that many things that kept me occupied:

This is my nephew Ashraff Mukris Ismadi . He is 4-month old. And if my mom is to be believed, he looks a lot like me when I was his age. Okay, now everybody say, ‘ cute!’

Last weekend my parents, my sisters, and baby Ashraff were here in KL for a short holiday. Actually, they were supposed to come here last year after Raya, but the plan was immediately scrapped when my mom fractures her leg, a week before the planned date. So this time, after a year of making sure she is recovering well, we get the plan back on.

I was more than happy to bring them around the valley, although it was quite obvious 3 days visit was quite a stretch. We, however, managed to go to Aquaria KLCC, Ikea, The Curve and Sunway Pyramid in that short of time for sight-seeing and some shopping. We were all very exhausted but I hope they had a good fun here. I just wish they would stay a little longer. Owh, I miss them already. Tsk tsk.

And speaking about exhausted; on the social front, things couldn’t get any crazier. Recently 2 of my friends tangled in unnecessary, stupid argument (sugar coated as debate) over something that didn’t even matter.

Sure, friends fight all the time. That’s normal.Temper will flare and feelings get hurt. I totally get it. But why must we take it personally and start the insults? Why, in the heat of things, we tend to say the worst about each other that we might regret later. Why not just let go and take the high road? Aren’t we are supposed to be friends in the first place?

You know what, you go and ponder about those questions while I am re-phrasing my insults to these wild boars beside my bed…

Sunday, October 10, 2010

My Electrified Fence

Honestly I don’t remember how we first met. Or any specific idea on my first impression I had on him (if there was any at all). But I do know I knew him from someone, way, waay back in the late 90s. Even then, I don’t think we ever passed the ‘hi’s and the ‘how do you do?’s. We simply weren’t that close. I guess, back in the day, I was a little bit cynical when it comes to meeting new people and he probably thought I was a stuck-up cynic, who couldn’t get over himself.

So it’s taken me and anyone else by surprise that after all these years and even after *cough**cough* I had a major fallout with the only person who introduced us in the first place, we are still in each other’s life and have become the best of friends. And that is saying a lot, especially when it comes to friends; I’ve been known to have my own personal electrified fence. I choose carefully.

Anyway, today is his birthday. And I would like to let him know (and 3 other people who might 'stumble across’ this post), I do appreciate and cherish our friendship. I know we had our ups and downs, but if there’s one thing he needs to know and remember why we stick to each other for so long is that– I simply adore him. And he got an IPad!

To a friend who…..

Shares my nerdy obsession to anything ‘Apple’ and high-fashion gadget,

Always tells the truth, never afraid no matter what, though your conviction probably needs some working on,

Are intelligent, articulate, funny and sometime maybe a little brass but always a ready and dependable friend,

Is someone I feel like I can tell and share every, little, personal, dark, disgusting thing, without making you wince even once or passing out,

Single-handedly makes full figure guys, like us, in fashion and desirable once more. Your confidence is stupendous!,

Are such an inspiration. I thank you.

Happy, joyful, blissful, fabulous 32nd Birthday.

And I truly believe, you, Herman Mizar Azmi, will always fit right in my 'electrified fence’.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

How Do You Solve A Problem Like Maria?

One of my worst traits is also the one that I have been famous for, all my life – I seem to be too easy going and fun loving; void of any real emotions like anger and sadness; and hence, don't appear to have a single, freaking backbone to stand for what I believe is right.

I go a great length to avoid menial, sometimes necessary arguments or confrontations, even though most of the times it means I'd let everyone to walk all over me. I should have been called class A, Ross-Geller type pushover in 'Friends' or simply a spineless, no-balls of Pee Wee Herman varieties.

True, I don’t get angry easily. I believe I have the easiest, mildest temper among all my friends. People can pick my nose or kick sands to my eyes and I can possibly still invite them over for tea. Occasionally when I do get angry, I don’t even know how to react or express my anger intelligently, other than some display of my comical stunned look. People would find this hilarious and I ended up being even more infuriated.

Truth is, I hate to hurt other people feelings and I don’t like people hating me either, so I just continue, contenting to be everyone’s favorite doormat. I have this unreasonable, unhealthy need to be constantly liked by all people around me. It’s exhausting!

At the end, I would just bury everything under the ground and pretend nothing has ever happened or I have not been affected by this emotionally at all (even though it did, in a major way). I run and run, far and way from it all. I hide. Such a coward!

For the past few weeks now, more and more people have been testing my patient to the max. They took advantage of my good nature and chose to forget I have feelings too. I was feeling very angry. Sad and low even.

So what did I do? I went home and shared a blanket with my two teddy bears on the couch and turned on 'The Sound of Music'- the movie best described as a "film" about a family who sings together for no reason at all. It relaxed me.

From the very first opening scene of Austrian mountains and Maria dancing on the hills with wild abandon, lost in her songs to the Von Trapps final escape from German Nazi, I happily escaped to another world where I felt truly belong. I felt free and overjoyed as a truckload of sadness and hatred had been lifted off my aching heart.

I watched it again the next day, and the pattern continued for a week. The sixth and seventh viewings were when I began to memorize every lyric and mouth the words with the children whose names I knew by heart. I lost myself in the brilliance of the writing, music and acting. Each song touched my soul and uplifted my spirit.

Finally I understand, no movie can replace my sorrow and magically make any other problems in the world disappear in a mere song, but I can now fully appreciate the options I have right now to deal them better.

Watching the movie made me less angry and less suicidal but most importantly I have found my drug!!