When I eventually left home to start working right after my graduation some 10 years ago, it seemed like a natural progression – young adults shifting from one environment to the next. I felt like I could take over the world. While my departures had been relatively painless, my parents thought it was like releasing a domestic animal into the wild. They never worried I couldn’t find a job and make a decent living. Or being lured to the ‘dark side’ – to become mat rempit or prostitute myself for a packet of weeds. They worried because they thought I would starve myself to death.
Don’t get me wrong. I know how to plan a meal or boil egg at the minimum, but I displayed a remarkable lack of patience when it came time for the actual cooking. Frozen dinners were often eaten exactly as sold and I eat ‘fresh’ fish balls and fish cake like they are a bag of potato chips.
I long for the time we can pop in a tiny blue capsule in some futuristic-looking the microwave oven, wait for a minute and voila, a 3 course French style dinner meal is ready on the table for us to gobble. Yum!
Anyway, last Friday, I thought I wanted to do something special for the weekend and decided I wanted to cook – forgetting that another option is to simply eat out! I went to Tesco and bought myself a healthy, giant close-to-a-kilo chicken and stuffed it in my freezer, hoping that I’ll be able to tenderize it later for Saturday night dinner.
Always the Mr. I-Never-Forget-Things, I forgot to defrost the chicken and it has turned to nothing but a solid, crystallized meat. I spent my whole Saturday afternoon yesterday, stomping the solid mass into three 6-inch portions, which I’d stack in a pile and force them into the oven.
After all that work, the chicken had been spoiled. It tasted like roadkill, so I threw it away and called it a night.
A few hours later, having decided that spoiled chicken was better than no chicken at all, I got out of bed, rolled out in my underpants, and proceeded to eat the leftovers directly from the trash can. At 3 in the morning!
OMG! I think my skin was sparking too!