I am a man with many, many, many, many wishes. I whine a lot and maybe a little paranoid. When a friend stupidly remarked that, “losing weight makes my teeth look bigger”, expectedly I freaked out. WTF!
Now, I can’t stop obsessing about my ‘deformed’ teeth. I’d look at the mirror all day and moan like some kind of evil queen, stepmother of Snow White, before she turns all witch-y with very bad dentures.
Okay, make it crazy vain too.
Urgh. I hate it when I am broke.
I really want those metals in my mouth, like pronto. I want to have a mouthful of shiny, pearly, straightened teeth when I smile and not these bad, crooked ones that would scare off small kids.
This epiphany certainly put a new spin on the whole self-improvement deal. At first I thought being thinner and slimmer are all the essence of the so called “physically in the top form”. Well, it isn’t. What a letdown.
So next on my self-improvement checklist now is “make jaws bigger to balance the awfully big teeth”.
I figured the best chance for me to develop muscles around my mouth, other than you-know-what, was to do a lot of ‘hippo-cising’ a.k.a mouth exercising/training. Meaning, when I eat, drink, or yawn (practically every time I open my mouth) I take it to the extreme. I open my mouth as wide as possible and repeat the move with reckless abandon. (Warning: small kids probably still wouldn’t come near you)
It isn’t so bad. In fact I really enjoy this, but it’s a long way to go.
Feeling the snugness of my mouth and the increasing tightness of my face, I could hear the unmistakable melody of the training music from 'Rocky' soaring through my head.
If only the other areas of my life were as effortless………..