Hippo With Metal Mouth

I am a man with many, many, many, many wishes. I whine a lot and maybe a little paranoid. When a friend stupidly remarked that, “losing weight makes my teeth look bigger”, expectedly I freaked out. WTF!

Now, I can’t stop obsessing about my ‘deformed’ teeth. I’d look at the mirror all day and moan like some kind of evil queen, stepmother of Snow White, before she turns all witch-y with very bad dentures.

Okay, make it crazy vain too.

So for months now I have been contemplating about getting my teeth fixed, but the cost can be ridiculously expensive. Braces can cost around MYR3000 to MYR6000 and even if your company’s dental benefits would pay for it, it may not cover much of the bill.

Urgh. I hate it when I am broke.

I really want those metals in my mouth, like pronto. I want to have a mouthful of shiny, pearly, straightened teeth when I smile and not these bad, crooked ones that would scare off small kids.

This epiphany certainly put a new spin on the whole self-improvement deal. At first I thought being thinner and slimmer are all the essence of the so called “physically in the top form”. Well, it isn’t. What a letdown.

So next on my self-improvement checklist now is “make jaws bigger to balance the awfully big teeth”.

I figured the best chance for me to develop muscles around my mouth, other than you-know-what, was to do a lot of ‘hippo-cising’ a.k.a mouth exercising/training. Meaning, when I eat, drink, or yawn (practically every time I open my mouth) I take it to the extreme. I open my mouth as wide as possible and repeat the move with reckless abandon. (Warning: small kids probably still wouldn’t come near you)

It isn’t so bad. In fact I really enjoy this, but it’s a long way to go.

Feeling the snugness of my mouth and the increasing tightness of my face, I could hear the unmistakable melody of the training music from 'Rocky' soaring through my head.

If only the other areas of my life were as effortless………..