I Am A Man Who Doesn’t Like To Share

I bought two CDs over the weekend. One of them actually, I’ve already had. Still it feels like the best RM95.90 I ever parted with. Don’t know how quite to say this but lately I need some pick-me-ups so I picked up these two at the nearby music store:





Ha! I know what are you gonna say, but Whitney Houston is like the biggest Diva superstar, ever for me and I mean that. Ask any of my karaoke partner-in-crime and they would all say ‘Mus not singing Whitney is like Mus losing weight - Not gonna happen!’ Good thing I slay ‘Saving All My Love for You’ everytime, and by ‘slay’ I mean quite literally, so bless the Japanese for the karaoke invention!

Anyway ‘Whitney Houston’ is like the best CD, ever. Tops anything I ever owned including ‘The Best of Rahim Maarof’ and "No. 1s:Fauziah Latiff". They are a lot of classics in it like, 'Saving All My Love for You’, 'You Give Me Good Love’, 'How Will I Know’ and everyone’s perennial favorite 'Greatest Love of All’, which by the way comes with the live version. So very, very mesmerizing the vocal in this one, you should hear it to believe it. It's the definitive album every music lover should has in his/her collections.

Then there’s the DVD that comes with this special 25th anniversary edition that consists of live performances and interview from this original diva. Watch them and you’ll see why even a totally straight guy like me wept.

The other CD that I grabbed was Usher’s latest 'Raymond Vs Raymond'. My favorite Usher’s album is ‘Confessions’ but the follow-up, ‘Here I Stand’ erm, not so much. Yet I couldn’t help spending my hard earned money on his music. Maybe because I still have faith in this chocolate Casanova. He's got this incredible pulling power on me.

Usher always fascinates me with his sexy music, cool moves and all, but, ugh, the man simply refuses to put his shirt on. Not that I have anything morbid against it, but I think he is so full of himself. And yet as I say over and over again, I can’t seem to get enough of him. Frankly, his music is like my life soundtrack - the non-Broadway version ones, of course.

This time around, Usher decided to go back to those good old days that made him filthy rich. Eventhough almost all the songs here are like the carbon copy of ‘Confessions’, I somehow dig it. I particularly like ‘Hey Daddy (Daddy’s Home)’, 'Fooling Around and ‘Lil’ Freak’. So it kinda works for me. With shirt on or not.

Now if you think I am going to upload the music here so you can hear them for free. Forget It.

It’s RM95.90, dude. Suddenly it feels like a lot of money.

Eat My Shorts!

I notice people pay a special attention to what I wear everyday. No, this is not about me being a delusional Lady Gaga-is-copying-my-style ranting again. This is about people who tends to judge you and your values solely based on the clothes on your body. I am so sick of it. I know life is like that and people would hate your guts, say, if you look good in stripes and they don’t. Okay I get it. I just don’t get why it is matter to everyone if I go to heaven or not.

Last weekend I was chaperoning a group of secretaries to a nearby beach town resort for a course. Never did I expect a supposedly pleasant mix of working and short vacation would turn awry for me. They complained to my boss about my 'improper' behavior during the course. Say what?! I thought everything went well. I wouldn’t have in a million years thought that my personal choice of wardrobe throughout the 3-day program would have clashed with the first principle of Rukun Negara. The last time I checked, wearing shorts to a classroom (which happened to be close to a beach) didn’t make me any less Muslim!

I like my pants short. They are comfortable, airy and never pass judgment on my porky things. I don’t like the trapped, business-like feeling I always get with that normal, long pants. I like to feel young and vibrant and wearing one makes me feel sexy and damn, wanted. It's that a crime? I want to feel good about my body. About myself. And trust me, it takes a lot more of me to feel good about it, especially lately!

Okay, maybe it was an oversight from my part too to wear a couple of my garish-colored, slightly-over-the-knee shorts in front of these prude, 1st century Arabian queens in a few occasions; but as far as I know there were nothing vulgar or offensive about it. In fact I have always taken an extra precautions not to offend anybody - I comb and pluck any unwanted, misplaced hair on my legs all the time. I never forget to trim my toenails too. So any accusation that I am sick, gross exhibitionist cum serial sex offender is wholly unwarranted.

Plus I do seriously think I got hot legs! If you say it's alright for the girls to show their cleavage as long as they made them “presentable”, I should be allowed to show my totally ripped, toned and "presentable" legs too, don't I? (Thank God I was born a man!)

And in an almost totally irrelevant note, my friend's house just got broken into on the very same weekend. He’s not that rich, so not many valuable items were stolen. Still a few of his much-prized possesions including his Ipod had taken away by these goons (I hope you burn in hell!). He’s still shaken and in shock. You hang in there, man. Who knows there's maybe a good thing would come out from this calamity, O you know, like a bigger ipod = ipad?

I hope he doesn't lose his pants over it. No pun intended.

They Say They Need An Honest Answer

They say it’s important for me to answer this question with complete honesty in less than 500 words. So here goes nothing. …

What Would You Consider As Your Biggest Achievement And Why?

It would be near impossible for me to single out any of my past achievement as my biggest so far. Not that my life has been a long sad excuse of existence, I just thought of all the things I’ve achieved up to this moment they're all simply so, err, not that remarkable. You see, at 30 I’ve yet to win the Nobel Peace Prize or an Oscar, so to declare anything as the ‘biggest one yet’ is such a, well, bit phony for me.

But thinking about it now, there's maybe something else I’ve done that I am particularly proud. Not exactly ‘biggest’, but close. So I’ll just go out on a limb and say; getting my first degree has got to be my proudest achievement in life so far, next to completing this pathetic attempt of self-glorify write-up.

And here I tell you why it was such an amazing feat for me.

Because it was my first achievement that really matters. Honest to God, growing up in a small town, Segamat, I never thought I would go much further than my house driveway. I seriously thought I would end up working as an Assistant Supervisor at the local supermarket, or be a tired government official in our local municipal. So having given the opportunity to study abroad really opened the door for me. I was not only got a chance to travel half across the globe, I got to see the world from a different set of eyes too. I was exposed to so many different cultures and values; how was it felt to be a minority and a foreigner and how other people saw and treated us. It gave me a new perspective on things I didn’t usually understand and really did open my mind greatly and man, I am so glad for that.

Because it really makes my mom proud and that she would gladly take the credit for it. Now my mom has something to gag my annoying relatives anytime they brag about their bratty grandkids or about their son who just comes out of prison. She’d just polish my framed diploma in front of them and smirk. Give her a break, she’s entitled to that, I was the first and only son from my mom’s side that graduated with a degree. And has yet to be incarcerated.

I am not saying that whatever good things that I’ve achieved right after my graduation ceremony didn’t matter or not as important, Of course they do. It’s just I feel like anything great that had happened in my life so far has the beginning from that one single moment, one single accomplishment that even 10 years down the road later, I’d still look up and manage to shed a proud tear or two (Okay, I was being completely overdramatic). That is why it was such a big deal for me.

And of course, being able to recognize and list down every single success in your life, pick the biggest one yet and write a couple of paragraph explaining your choice; that’s, I believe, quite an achievement by itself. Not many people would and can do that, don’t you think?

I Am Your Worst Nightmare...Or Close!

One of the best decisions I ever made in life was signing up for that itemised billing option on my telephone bill. Yes, the best. One notch up from when I finally decided to get an air freshener for my car or when I stopped "experimenting" with my kitchen utensils. Of course, it's not without a cost, especially that self-banned cooking, but that's alright. Someday, I'd thank my old self when the day I invariably lose my cool comes.

Unfortunately, that day came yesterday.

It appeared in my current telephone bill statement that I had 'supposedly' topped up a total RM50 credit to a certain stranger who lives 300km away from me. I was in total shock. I paid RM50 to someone I never knew and never got to meet and slap him in the face? This is so unfair.

Immediately I called the customer service in hope to sort out this obviously an outrageous misunderstanding. There is no way I am gonna pay a single cent for this work of petty criminal. I worked so hard to throw away my hard-earned money just like that.

Finally, after waiting for seemingly 3 days, someone finally decided to pick up my call and I rattled through pass the verification in seconds. I could barely hear myself well after that, cause you know, I was busy yelling the issues all the way. Don't blame me. My phone had a connection problem.

And in his fake smiling voice, the CS officer suggested me to call up the number in question to re-confirm that I didn't know this loser, you know, just to make sure.

Okay, fair enough. I did just that. And what do you know, as predicted this loser never answered my call. "Fine. Have it your way. Someone in Maxis centre will receive the heat for you then".

Sure, the whole hour on the phone with Maxis after that wasn't pretty.

"Sir, these are valid charges. It recorded from your line. Probably someone took your phone and did the transaction themselves without your consent."

"Oh yeah, you mean like I hired a hooker and she did the transaction herself while I was in a shower?!"

Of course I was annoyed being excused as an immoral and irresponsible imbecile like that. Like it was all my fault and they has nothing to do with it. They judged me and I simply loathe that.

"We can not do anything about these charges, sir. It's in our policy. And it's in my policy too not to pay for you or any of our customer for supposedly wrong charges everytime. I had three young kids at home and my pay here isn't that much. But you know what, if it makes you feel any better. I will block all the future top up service and transaction for you, how about that?"

'If it makes you feel any better'. That smug!

There were so many things that annoyed the hell out of me for the last couple of days, but this has got to be the chief of them all. With that RM50, I can get a year supply of air fresheners for my car or even better, I can pay someone else to stop me from coming to my own kitchen!

Damn, now after spending hours on the phone and yelling, my mood was completely ruined. Luckily Hasmiron invited me for a little gathering in the evening at his home and thus, I had to wipe out that fouled attitude I gave to that Maxis officer ASAP and stopped myself short for being a party pooper.

Yes, a party. That was exactly what I needed. Thanks Miron for that great get-together with friends. You made my day less, erm, suck. Yeay.

And I thought the drama would've ended there. Nooo. Guess who texted me after that?

"Saper ni?"

That damn Loser. What nerve!

BIG MISTAKE.

The Love Of My Life

I called my mom the other night. It's a customary thing I do since I left home many, many years ago - to call her every two nights, in place of me coming back every single weekend! It's a deal we've come to agree on and of course being a good son, I never want to make her worry a bit about me. She said, hearing my voice, really did lower her blood pressure and boy, does she worry over anything!

We talked about a lot of things and she isn't half-bad a conversationalist too. She can talk about anything. Trust me, she really can. There's no boundaries on things we can talk about. In fact, last night we were talking about Benjy's drug charges, the late Din Beramboi, our AI's favourite contestants and even Jesse James and Sandra Bullock's marital problems, which I found it really, really astonishing.

But mostly, she was more interested to know about me. How was I doing? What I had for dinner? What I was wearing to work? Whether there was any bodily functions irregularities spotted and stuff. And in return, she updated me with the going-ons at home. She talked on and on, about what she had for breakfast, lunch, dinner and snacks, as she always does. I only wanted to know if she's taken her meds, but listening to her perky tone, I knew she was doing alright.

I never complain about this arrangement, it's totally chill with me, but lately, our conversations always ended up with a new add-on inquiry that would make my skin crawl and my hairy earlobes melt.

"Bila along nak kahwin?"

I used to dodge the question by faking the repeated "hello" as if the line was breaking up. But after awhile she caught wise and now she knows better. So this time I said, I won't get married until everyone gets equal basic right to marry whomever they love. KIDDING! For the record, I did not say that. All I was saying was, 'I am soo totally horny right now I could marry RuPaul'. OK, kidding again!

Anyway, not wanting to worry her with my way-past-expiry-date bachelor status stamped on all over my forehead, I simply told her, in fact I was courting someone right now, that I promised to introduce to her very,very soon. (Note that I used and stressed the word "soon" instead an actual date, pretty sneaky huh?)

And then she asked, 'What's she like'?

U-oh!

Calmly,I told her,

She's beautiful, down-to-earth millionaire, dark hair with fair skin, married once with 6 children which three of them were adopted. She's big on charity and humanitarian works and loves to travel all around the world to spread goodwill and joy to those most unfortunates. And Oh by the way, she won an Oscar in 2000.

Oh my, did I just describe Angeline Jolie? Man, I pray she'll never find out.