The Love Of My Life

I called my mom the other night. It's a customary thing I do since I left home many, many years ago - to call her every two nights, in place of me coming back every single weekend! It's a deal we've come to agree on and of course being a good son, I never want to make her worry a bit about me. She said, hearing my voice, really did lower her blood pressure and boy, does she worry over anything!

We talked about a lot of things and she isn't half-bad a conversationalist too. She can talk about anything. Trust me, she really can. There's no boundaries on things we can talk about. In fact, last night we were talking about Benjy's drug charges, the late Din Beramboi, our AI's favourite contestants and even Jesse James and Sandra Bullock's marital problems, which I found it really, really astonishing.

But mostly, she was more interested to know about me. How was I doing? What I had for dinner? What I was wearing to work? Whether there was any bodily functions irregularities spotted and stuff. And in return, she updated me with the going-ons at home. She talked on and on, about what she had for breakfast, lunch, dinner and snacks, as she always does. I only wanted to know if she's taken her meds, but listening to her perky tone, I knew she was doing alright.

I never complain about this arrangement, it's totally chill with me, but lately, our conversations always ended up with a new add-on inquiry that would make my skin crawl and my hairy earlobes melt.

"Bila along nak kahwin?"

I used to dodge the question by faking the repeated "hello" as if the line was breaking up. But after awhile she caught wise and now she knows better. So this time I said, I won't get married until everyone gets equal basic right to marry whomever they love. KIDDING! For the record, I did not say that. All I was saying was, 'I am soo totally horny right now I could marry RuPaul'. OK, kidding again!

Anyway, not wanting to worry her with my way-past-expiry-date bachelor status stamped on all over my forehead, I simply told her, in fact I was courting someone right now, that I promised to introduce to her very,very soon. (Note that I used and stressed the word "soon" instead an actual date, pretty sneaky huh?)

And then she asked, 'What's she like'?

U-oh!

Calmly,I told her,

She's beautiful, down-to-earth millionaire, dark hair with fair skin, married once with 6 children which three of them were adopted. She's big on charity and humanitarian works and loves to travel all around the world to spread goodwill and joy to those most unfortunates. And Oh by the way, she won an Oscar in 2000.

Oh my, did I just describe Angeline Jolie? Man, I pray she'll never find out.