A Love Letter To Myself

My days in the hospital were finally over, so today I slept in my own bed. I missed my bears. It is so good to be home without anyone poking my skin with needle every two hours or so. I can finally sleep peacefully, knowing that no one will ask me to ‘roll over’ in the middle of the night anymore.

Most of us wake up early on Saturday to jog, watch cartoons or whatever, but not me. The only reason I get out of bed at all on weekends is because eventually I can’t stand the taste of my breath any longer. Now I get to do exactly that for 5 days straight! Haha, not cool, but it feels so, so fine.

I am, however, having serious hard time getting used to the fact that in two days, I have to get out of bed every morning to go to work. Man, must it be this soon? Wow, I can only imagine what it’ll look like inside my in-tray in this exact moment. Hopefully, nothing that will make me crawls back to the hospital’s bed anytime soon. Finger crossed.

Okay, the first half of 2010 did not exactly get off to a great start, thanks to few little ‘bumps’ I stumbled along the way. This health scare situation was one of them. So now, I want a new start. A new beginning. Yes, I need new, fresh perspectives on life. My own life. To take control of it. And re-invent a little on how I live it from now on.

I’ve also been bad; ignored or hurt the feeling of some people that I care the most, and did few things I can say I am not particularly proud of, but I guess once you have the revelation, it will never too late to do something about it and make it right again, right?

So at home, in my quiet time, I have listed down all the things that I want to change in my life for the better, but no, don’t get too excited about it - nothing too drastic. I will start small, you know like confessing and admitting that ‘I have a problem’ for starter. See how it’ll go from here.

And for the love of God, I won’t reveal the list here because it’s pretty irrelevant, I mean to the public and it’s quite damning too. It’s not like something that I haven’t said before anyway, so no one misses anything, really. Only this time, I truly feel and understand the importance of making it happen. Or maybe I’ll just die trying.

I have a feeling, you will see the new me eventually - the stronger one, who’d take a great care of his health and enjoy his life more, for the sake of the people who love him dearly. I won’t be the old idiot who tends to harm and destruct himself foolishly - that’s not the person I want to be. I must not and will not. Because I don’t need that kind of stress in my life anymore.