Boy, Do I Look Fat!?

I have always dreaded being photographed. I almost never look good in it. I will look either like two fat ladies hugging each other or like some prehistoric dinosaur with awkward limbs. Truth is - camera simply hate me.

Once I tried to politely decline but my friends would never let me have it. They thought I was being snooty or simply vain but trust me, I know exactly what dinosaur looks like and they probably weren’t as huge as I do in photos!

So I vowed never to share my photos with the public unless they adequately airbrushed and ‘photoshop' ed.

Then salvation comes in a photographer friend who happily offers these trauma-reducing, trick-to-the-eyes tips with us.

1. Don’t put your arms too close to your sides. Lift your arms out a bit – or you will look like a sack of potatoes. Or maybe three.

(Not much luck huh?)

2. When standing up, put your one foot slightly in front of the other as if you are stomping a rat - for a slimming effect. Though the ‘actual’ slimming will definitely do a much different.

3. Don’t frown as if you have a bad case of constipation. Smile to the lens so to give your face an extra glow. (Or you can simply turn off the camera’s red eye reduction mode to give similar effect). This will take attention away from your ‘glowing’ guts!

4. For Heaven's sake, cover your unflattering guts with something, like small pillow.

or you can simply use your own hands.

5. Never look straight at the camera. Turn slightly to the side for a softer look. Like this..

People will forget to look at the other ‘softer’ part!

6. Since your pores are now up to public scrutiny, consider distraction (or confusion) – to trick their eyes. Or poke, whatever.

Wear loose-fitting outfit (no that’s not me)

or try a hideous wig while at it. (Me!)

7. Don’t take the pictures yourself. You will lose your best angle plus...urrgg.. it’s pathetic!

8. And finally BE PREPARED!

This.....NOT!

Rehearse the look you want to give! Be camera ready all the time, like your life depends on it and you know, if this doesn’t work, NOTHING WILL!

(O and find a really good plastic surgeon is the other way to go)