When It's Over....

Words can’t even begin to describe on how relief I am…now that it’s all over.

The recently concluded, much hyped ‘turn-of-events’ had taken a toll on my nervous system. I guess, I was freaking out too much, letting the unwarranted emotions clouded my judgment and wreaking my sanity to the core.

And if you think I am making reference about other people’s "conundrum" other than mine, boy were you sorely disappointed!

My short, ‘unprepared’ stint as an MC for yesterday afternoon’s big do was not as disastrous as I thought it was going to be (blame it on my overdramatic trait!). It was quite a smooth sailing affair - unless if you consider the garish head-gear I adorned was the major ‘disturbance’!

O well, at least nobody died of mispronunciations by the MC….or gasp, worse, of boredom!

But will I do such things again?

Perhaps. It kinda felt like I was at home. I must say being in the limelight wasn’t all that too bad.

But right now please, don’t ask for my opinions, don’t look for any review and don’t beg for my boss’ feedback. Right this second all I want to do is relax - basking on the free and relief feelings. I simply want to get rest and get out from it all.

Finally everything seems safe and serene and it’s cool and lulling and perfect for sleep.

Umm…you know what, I think I might as well do that…

Silence

“Aku ingat ko takder baju melayu!”

“Ini first time aku bagi ko full mark for dressing for occasion”

“Finally Mus is dressed appropriately!”

I must say those off-remarks completely threw me off. Why would anyone has the slightest notion I couldn’t afford a pair of a decent Baju Melayu. Or for being ‘inappropriate’ all this while for that matter?

Honestly I really wanted to dignify that with an answer but then I decided not to. My conscience was working overtime and I pretended to be unfazed with all the brouhuha. I figured if anything worth an ounce of my emotional outburst, this wouldn’t be it. This is too trivial.

My past experience taught me the more you try to explain yourself to others the more confusing it gets. People will always get the wrong ideas - hormonal people. So it’s just best to keep your two-cents to yourself, smile if you must and walk out with some dignity. You may miss all the fun but the silence is the ultimate wise cracker.

But gee, that somehow didn’t stop me from wondering what the “could have been” answers.

“I am sorry to pop your bubble but…………………”

“Sorry I didn’t dress to your liking before, but I didn’t get the memo…….”

“The same cannot be said about you……”

Wow, that surely gonna blow someone’s stack but at least I’d just being honest….and I didn’t say it out loud!

Or….maybe they were just joking around or maybe they were right (that I never dressed appropriately before) and simply stated the obvious.

Which, in any case I am doomed!

Ryan Seacrest

Earth is estimated to be about 4.5 billion years old and for much of that history it has been home to some unintelligent life in one form or another – and I am one of them.

Volunteering myself for the last-minute MC-ing job is probably the dumbest thing I ever done or inflicted myself upon to in my entire young, soon-to-be-short life. What was I thinking?

In 5 days time I am gonna be the “Ryan Seacrest” of one of the biggest events in the Bank and yet - get this – I still don’t have a partner, don’t know what to wear, never attended rehearsal, never been to meetings and the biggest cardinal sin of all; I haven’t even prepared the text!

And some moron I was, thinking that everything would be serving in a silver platter once I said yes for O-the-great Mus. Well somebody obviously “didn’t get the memo”!

“Mus, maybe you’re worry too much, you are only MC-ing, not, God-forbid, singing”

“Why get an ulcer over trivial things like this, just talk and be done with it”

Everyone thought I was whiny, overreacting 10-year old freak and they acted as if I’ve no right to my ‘concern’ and feeling. Urggrgh. Forgive me an ounce of cynicism but when it comes to my reputation, I don’t do half-ass job.

As I type this, a thousand and one unpleasant, PG-rated thoughts are coursing through my puny brain.

Can I do it?
Will I suck?
Am I sure about this?
Am I CRAZY?

Nope, I can be a lot of things but crazy is not one of them – stupid maybe.

And I am sure I am not the only one.

I Should Have Asked Her!

The time showed 2.55pm on that sweltering Saturday afternoon and I was supposed to meet Amir at Petronas Station Kota Damansara (the one with Maybank and A&W on the side). But he was nowhere to be seen.

I got agitated as I thought I was minutes away from collapsing from heatstroke. And a few exchanged “nasty” messages later I decided it was best for me to just wait for him inside the A&W while having a cold one.

“Amir, you’d better be sure where we are going, or you’ll know soon the wrath of one hungry, sweaty man” I hissed.

After waiting more than 20 ‘boiling’ minutes, he finally showed up. He pulled his car, got out and headed towards me chirpily; but just as I was about to share a piece of my mind, he was having a seizure - or at least I thought he was!

“Acha!” “Acha!!”

Puzzled; I was completely clueless of what he was trying to say but I swear I almost thought he was referring to some kind of fruity dish. (But why?!)

And then I realized what made Amir went into a trance! – he wasn’t talking about any particular culinary, it was she! - ACHA SEPTRIASA – just a few feet away from us.

“OMG, is that her? Is that really HER?!”

“I don’t know, why don’t you ask her?”

“Are you crazy? She’s with her boyfriend, why would she want to take picture with us…or kissing my forehead, for goodness sake?”

“Nah, maybe not….plus I am not even a fan”

We were just frozen in place while watching her as she passed us by – trying our best not to care. But the ‘little girl’ inside of us screamed “Damn, who are we kidding, the next time you’ll see her again probably in court when you caught trespassing her property?!’

So we followed her to her car. We acted as natural as possible just to make sure she wouldn’t even notice anything remotely suspicious about us. We didn’t want to come out as screaming little girls, do we?

She got into her car and drove away and by golly! We even stalked her for a good 200 meters or so. (Well, until she made a sudden turn at the nearby police station).

Then we decided it was just silly. A few moments of silent and awkwardness later, we were finally realized we were no-balls, star struck fools! We should have just said ‘hi’ to her right away, take a picture or ask for an autograph even and be done about it. But now, all is lost and we are beating ourselves for it, keep asking ourselves ‘what if’ and losing our sleep over it. .

Sigh! Imagine what a beautiful world would it be if I could just post our it-could-have-been picture of us together here.

That surely gonna make someone‘s life a one mean green monster-y misery. Ah.

………But I am not even a fan. I swear!

Change We Can Believe In

First up; Nope, I am not a key member in Barack Obama Presidential Campaign nor am I a Democrat supporter. Heck, I am not even an American. So when a friend asked me “What’s with the change?” I said “Why not?” I wasn’t resistant to change. I was just being cautious.

Despite of what some people might lead you to believe, I easily get bored – with anything or …even anyone. (I swear I have an interest lifespan of an insect!). I am not sure either if this is an in-born thing or a psychological thing, but I like to see some variations in my life every now and then. (Um, I guess that explains why I used to change my job more than the Thais change their government!)

I believe in life change is inevitable, especially when you usually find yourself in a rut. That’s why I have made few minor ‘adjustments’ in my life lately that I hope could give me a new light, a new perspective about things. Things, as you may think, maybe small and insignificant in nature but I do believe they are necessary nonetheless, at least to keep me sane for a while;

1. No more dinner/ no meal after 7pm. I have now gained enough weight to topple a pregnant rhino. (urghhh!)
2. Called my mom three times a week instead of once a week. I’m a momma’s boy alright! Deal with it!
3. Replaced my bed sheet with a new one, before it’s taking the life of its own – not that it’s never happened!
4. Changed my political belief. Don’t we all now?
5. Started looking for a new apartment – after that ‘dogs in an elevator’ incident.
6. Put aside RM100 every month for rainy days.
7. Changed my blog skin – Don’t think I didn’t know you had enough of Taylor Hicks!

Talk about ‘had enough’, at least one thing is imminent - my boss is currently contemplating over career move. I mean seriously. Not really sure why she’d want to do that especially in this trying time but she said she was doing this for her future.

She hasn’t decided on anything yet. She’s still unsure but she’s been with the Bank for more than 10 years now and she said she wanted to move on. Or as she said “I’ll be rotten in the abyss of irrelevancy”.

Maybe she’s right, to change is a huge step and everyone should feel nervous about it. A thing or two I learned about job-hopping is that you do that for your future and not because of money, position or anything else for that matter.

Should she decide to go for it and leave the Bank, I wish her well. And as for me, I will always be ready with whatever changes that lie ahead of me from now on. Isn’t life all about adapting and adjusting? Hence, the saying, the roller coaster rides.

I sure know now, why Americans are anxious to elect their new President next month - They are not resistant to Obama’s Change or McCain’s Reform, they’re only being cautious.

And why wouldn’t they be? It’s their future.

Good Food Never Lacks Friends

Now that Raya is all behind us, we would be sighing at the mere mention of ketupat, rendang or lemang or any of that greasy stuff. After all, too much of anything would make your guts blow up in a queasy fashion, don’t they? (Erghhh). So I try to steer clear from all those artery-clogging, heart-blowing Raya-must-haves for quite sometime now.

But ‘iron-willed determination’ has never been my strength; I guess open houses and after-Raya gathering are to be blamed.

So last weekend was all about 'pigging out' and 'stuffing in' for me. 'Eating to your heart contents' is no longer an expression, it’s now a clinical term. Luckily, I have friends with similar ‘condition’ to make it looks OK.

And usually, I don’t do open house. You see, my house is always opened for my friends to come over, but last Friday night, ‘coming over’ has taken a new meaning; ‘taking over’ was more like it.



It was a good night, at least I can fret less about comparisons to Pak Lah’s Open House; Hindraf leaders gave my open house a miss. But what I lacked in “raucous” atmosphere, it was more than make up with Reena, Azrill and Hafez presence; who sure know how to ‘tune up’ the party.



Hasmiron, Amir and Rick were visibly disappointed with an absent of my “Ayam Madu Oat Ala Yunani”. I decided it was too much ‘work’.



Ejam and Sham came a night earlier and it was their first time to my ‘crib’. Thank you guys for coming over. You know how I appreciate the gesture. I apologize if there was anything at all not to your fancy or liking. My little advice: Deal with it!

I guess it true when my mom says wherever there’s good food, there’s good people. I defy you to find any more enjoyable way to waste significant portions of your life than spending it with familiar faces; with good food on the side.

But NO ketupat, rendang or lemang please. One more mention about that I swear I’d go nuts!

To Hell And Back!

Raya this year is a lot of pain and a lot less fun. I guess it's true when people say, when you reached a certain age in life, Raya is just another obligatory holiday people take to clear their leaves. It's no longer a long awaited fun-time like it used to be; um, you know, when we were much younger. At least then we don't have to deal with offensive questions from our intruding relatives...and we get Duit Raya for behaving ourselves.

Which brings me to my next point;

Having a decent conversation with my relatives is (urghh) impossible, it is like taking a slingshot to a pistol duel, only that they armed with remote-targeting orbital lasers, um, I mean THEIR MOUTHS.

But I have long mastered the art of face-saving while being totally polite; I pay attention to the nasty remarks made about my recent surge of body weight. Now, if they tell me 'you are gaining weight', I hiss and try to eat less in my next house, if they say 'why so fat?' I correct their grammatical error. I feel much better after that.

And if you think my misery is over after that, think again misery-guts! Answering the next question is relished as much as getting a root canal.

"So when are you getting married?"

“I read somewhere that there's a one-in-five-billion chance that you'll get hit by space debris…but now I am not so sure anymore!” I baulked

(Multiply that line by a few hundreds thousand times)

I am so tired and bored of all these ruckus on why I am fat and why I am still unmarried that I resolute to please them all next Raya. To lose few pound is easy but to get someone to fall in love with me in the next 12 months? …Well maybe, I just better off faking my own death!

Why do I suddenly feel as if my boat is sinking and someone nailed an anchor to my head?

Gee, I lost my intellectual curiosity just in time

Note: I was writing this post on the 3rd day of Raya, where I spent another 2 days on my bed due to my fever flare up caused by - I suspect - its much depressing topic.