One thing comes to mind when I think of my childhood in a small, quiet town of Seremban: a bahulu cake.
In this time of the year, I swear I can almost smell and taste the cake.
I remember my birthdays wouldn’t be complete without my grandma’s (arwah) famous baulu cake. We can’t afford the real cake so my grandma made the birthday cake herself and my mom did the icing so that it would look just like a real one (Though the taste was hardly the same).
Our family took our birthdays seriously especially mine. I was my mom’s prized son. My mom even took a day off just to make sure I’d get a party that I want. She cooked, she cleaned and decorated the house with balloons and called all my friends over.
She said she wanted to give me something nice on my special day so that I won’t turn into cruel, mindless criminal when I grow up. I thought my mom was joking but hey, I guess it works so far.
Fast-forward 20 years later, I am still a 10-year old boy craving for my grandma’s bahulu cake and am still wanting for balloons-birthday party. I never really moved on.
Just the other day, my dad told me that birthday isn’t just about gifts, balloons and bahulu cake. It’s also about a chance you give yourself, a chance to renew your life resolution and move forward. Of course to move forward I have to look back.
And looking back of what I have done with my life, I realized I led a pretty damn empty life. There was not a single thing that I am particularly proud of.
I want a fresh start. So I took a pen and start a list:
If I had a year to live:
A renewed focus on:
1. Getting the most out of life – work harder
2. Enjoying the simple things
3. Clearing the way for calmer, less stressed routine.
4. Taking a better care of myself - physically
5. Be a better son, a better brother and a better friend to someone
And then, I stopped at no 5 because by then I felt I was fooling myself. I felt I wasn’t being sincere to myself. It’s not what I really want. I mean I want all those things other people want too. I do. It just that I don’t believe it means anything to me now.
Deeply in my heart, what I really really want right now is all those years back - complete with balloons, bahulu cake, grandma and all.
That would make the bestest birthday present ever! And that would be the day I am gonna stop wanting.
HAPPY 30TH BIRTHDAY,ME!
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